could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
