At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
