if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
