So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize