hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
