i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
