dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
