your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
