Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
