i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize