I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
