i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
