dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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