We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
