i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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