Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just invented taco cereal.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
