i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
