so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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