I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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