I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
