I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
