Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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