we have pet lesbian snakes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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