So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
