boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
