Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
