Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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