It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
