I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
