He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
