i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
