You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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