i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
