just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
