You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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