You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
