the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
