I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
