They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
