hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
