Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
