took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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