Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
