"it" just moved
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
