hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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