and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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