are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
zippers are such a cool invention
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
