There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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