I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
