My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize