Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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