I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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