YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
