if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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