vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize