I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
