I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
