why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
