Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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