Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize