I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
