that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
