my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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