Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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