Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
