my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
